Belonging

“I just want to fit in SOMEWHERE,” she lamented as tears danced down her cheeks.

As she reached for another tissue, she said, “everyone’s life is moving on besides ours. Sure, from the outside, we may look happy, but my heart feels like a cracked desert crying out for a drop of rain.” Her head dropped as she shook her head and muttered, “or just a friend.”

You see, this sweet woman used to belong. She had sorority sisters from her college days. She had a supportive husband who came with a large group of friends. She had women in her family with whom she spent her free time; however, as she said, everyone’s life just moved on.

I wonder about you.

Are you silently screaming in solidarity to our dear friend, who aches to belong again? Is your bedroom the only place you feel like you belong anymore, with the covers wrapped tightly around you, hoping that no one will hurt you or minimize your story when you get out of bed? Do you live encircled with community, while you secretly long for just one of them to understand you?

Seasons of infertility can strip us of our identity and rob us of the places where we previously belonged. College friends become mothers and conversations now revolve around dirty diapers and maternal exhaustion. Are the halls of your childhood home decorated with pregnant bellies during the holidays? Everyone except you, that is. Are your post-work-happy-hour-girlfriends not drinking now because they’re nursing?

As Dr. Brene Brown profoundly writes, “A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We read. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.”

As you scan your world, I imagine that some of you are dizzy from trying to find a place where you belong.

Lean in close for this one…If you are looking for a place to belong, you just found it.

This.

You belong here, Sister.

No judgement. No “just relax”-es. No “have you tried ____’? We won’t talk around you here. Your pain won’t be ignored here.

Wherever you are, whatever your story, whatever pain you carry.

We see you.

We stand with you.

We are for you.

For when you belong, your story might not change, but glimpses of peace may trickle through the darkness.

This is the heart behind The Missing Peace Project. That you would have a sense of belonging and that even though we can’t give you your missing piece (your baby) that you mind find your missing peace here.

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Cathie Quillet, LMFT

Cathie Quillet, LMFT

Founder of The Quillet Institute
Infertility and Pregnancy Loss Therapist
Mom to Four Miscarried Babies

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