How Do You Define A Month?

Once upon a time, a month was measured in thirty to thirty-one day increments, with the occasional 28/29-day month, of course. For the first few decades of life, calendar pages turned and days evaporated into history.

We marked them off of our calendar and breezily tore off pages with anticipation of all of our tomorrows. Efforts to soak up moments and anticipate adventures were colored on calendar pages.

No one thought to draw infertility onto those pages. However, like a thief waiting in the shadows to pick-pocket your joy, infertility enters stage left with all its powers of deception.

Infertility disrupts so much when it makes its presence known. Among them, is the way we women define a month. It is no longer 30-31 days with an uninvited menses thrown somewhere in there.

Now, a month is 28 days (or whatever your cycle is). It is defined by your menses, the wait for ovulation, ovulation, your two-week-wait, then either elation or your dreaded unwelcome visitor.

In each of those segments of your month, I want you to ask yourself the following questions:

  • What do I need?
  • How do I feel?
  • What boundaries do I need?
  • Who can support me?

Wherever you are in your journey to baby, I would love for you to do a little assignment for me. Well, for you rather.

Write down each of these questions for the following segments of your month: menses, wait for ovulation, ovulation and the impossible two-week-wait. Then answer each of the above questions.

Want to make it exciting? Have your partner do the assignment also. What do they need while you’re on your menses? How do they feel during ovulation and the dreaded calculated sex? Who can support YOU during your partner’s two week wait? I am confident these cycles are difficult for you also.

Discuss how the two of you can do each part of your month differently. How can you partner together to do the month better?

To learn more about how to adapt to this new “month” check out session 6 of Peace (In)Fertility.

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Cathie Quillet, LMFT

Cathie Quillet, LMFT

Founder of The Quillet Institute
Infertility and Pregnancy Loss Therapist
Mom to Four Miscarried Babies

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