Reframing 2019

Dearest sister, As this year comes to a close, I’m wondering how you are reflecting on your year.  Does the highlight reel of your last year reflect the pain and suffering that you’ve endured? Do the losses and tears seem too numerous to count? Are you dragging yourself into the New Year dreading that it will be another twelve months of the same pain?

We’ve just passed the holiday season and I wonder if you felt overlooked? Did people celebrate around you without seeing you and the pain that you carry?

If you’re feeling unseen, hear me when I say that I see you. I see your pain, your struggle and your tears. I understand your loneliness and sadness. Those marital changes you have waded through? I understand them. That depression and the anxiety that has crept in? It makes sense to me. 

Maybe infertility is new to you this year or maybe you prayed that this would have been your year. Regardless, you have just experienced twelve months of twelve hopes and twelve major disappointments. Twelve maybe-this-is-the-month and twelve maybe-next-months. How many of those did you wonder if you couldn’t keep going? How many of those did you wonder your worth? How many of those did you get trapped in the comparison game? How many of those did you hate yourself?

What I am about to say may be difficult for you to receive but I hope that you try. 

You are a woman of strength and grace. Every morning that you wake up and stumble through another day of infertility, you prove what a warrior you are. Life has been unkind to you lately. You find yourself in the midst of a life crisis and yet you continue to forge forward the fighter that you are. Quitting may seem like a good option on some days but then you press on in bravery and hope. Hope is difficult at times, and even sometimes paralyzing. But, you know what the fight is for. You may doubt your strength sometimes when you get weary in the fight. That is to be expected. You are fighting against biology and for your future. You are advocating for your health. Somedays it feels like you are fighting yourself, the medical professionals, your partner, your peers and your destiny. But here’s the truth: the sun will rise tomorrow and you will do it all again. If the outside world could really understand, they would be awestruck by your tenacity, moxie and resilience. 

2019 may have been cruel to you but I want you to ask yourself: How did I grow? Where was I strong? How have I shown my true character? 

Before we get too far into 2020, work to change the highlight reel that you previously saw. 

Where you saw disappointment notice that you kept going. Where you saw tears, see where you stood back up. Where you saw loneliness, appreciate the characteristics in yourself where you proved to be a good companion for yourself. 

This lesson isn’t a quick fix or a bandaid. But, I hope that you see some pieces of yourself that you previously missed through the pain. Find those amazing pieces of yourself, carry them with you into 2020 and get ready to make this a better year, even if your circumstances don’t look any different. 

I hope and pray that 2020 will be a better year for you!



P.S. If you’re hoping to start 2020 off on the right foot, consider participating in our 2020 Fertility reset. E-mail Cathie @ [email protected] for details.

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Cathie Quillet, LMFT

Cathie Quillet, LMFT

Founder of The Quillet Institute
Infertility and Pregnancy Loss Therapist
Mom to Four Miscarried Babies

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